Updated: Jan 28, 2021
As I was playing with Joshua yesterday, it suddenly struck me. "OMG, same time next week, Joshua will no longer be an only child. I wonder how he will feel."
As an only child myself, I have no experience in this area. So I can only imagine what it must be like for Joshua. Both positive and negative questions came rushing into my mind.
"Will he feel jealous?"
"Will he be excited to welcome his baby brother home?"
"Will he feel less loved?"
"Will he be happy to have a friend for life?"
"Will he miss being an only child?"
"Will he even remember this? And what it is like to be an only child?"
Then, I suddenly turned my attention back to me, "How am I feeling?"
Honestly...the feeling is bittersweet. Like a lot of the time in motherhood, when you gain something, you miss something too.
I am super excited to meet this little one. Especially when I have been feeling very broody recently. Whenever I see a photo or video of a newborn, I am just gushing. I am looking forward to all the cuddles I will be getting, and wearing my baby again. (I know it is such a weird saying, but you know what I mean.)
However, I will miss being able to give Joshua my undivided attention. I know when his little brother arrives, I won't be able to do that anymore, and that part does sadden me a bit.
Then comes the self-doubt.
"Will I bond with my second one, the same way I did as Joshua?"
"Will I be able to love the boys equally?"
"Will I be able to handle two kids?"
"Will I ever have time for myself again?"
"Will this put a strain on my marriage?"
"Will the boys think I am a bad mother for thinking and worrying about all these things?"
Honestly, the amount of questions that go on in my head is endless. But I guess it is also expected when such a big change comes your way. After all, I am only human, so self-doubt is part of the package.
It is quite poetic in a way that the end of my pregnancy reflects the start of my pregnancy. Where it is full of joy, self-doubt, and worries, all at the same time. I am sure everything will be fine, and that once baby number 2 arrives, I will find my feet, and we will soon adjust to having a new member of the family. (I am hoping anyway. Crossing my fingers and toes as I speak/type)
I just need to keep reminding myself, the universe will not bless me with two kids if I cannot handle it. Believe in yourself, take it one day at a time, and all will be well. Focus on the positive, do your best, and that is all you can ask of yourself.
How did you feel before the arrival of your second/third/fourth child? Did you feel the same way as me too? Or did you feel completely different? How did you prepare yourself for the arrival of the addition to the family? Please do let me know, as this mama can do with all the advice she can get.
I will keep you posted on how this goes, and I hope you enjoyed reading my more personal blog entries. (Which really is more like my diary.)
Sending you love & positive thoughts,